Encouraging a Little Independence

There are several habits that Ian is in that I think it's time to change. I'm going to try to tackle one at a time in order not to overwhelm him:

• Nursing whenever and (almost) wherever he wants, even just for a few seconds (i.e. when he obviously doesn't desperately need it).

• In particular, nursing in the car before getting into his carseat when I pick him up at the end of the day (and now that he's in that habit, pretty much any time we get in the car when we're out).

• Waking up at 10:30 every night and ending up in bed with me for the rest of the night.

I've been contemplating how and in what order to encourage him to make progress on these. These are the new rules I intend to apply:

1) Nursing only in our rocking chair in his room. When I made him come into his room with me when he wanted to nurse when we recently had guests over for dinner, he seemed to lose interest in it fairly quickly. If he has to make a bigger choice between nursing and continuing his activities I'm hoping he'll gradually reduce the frequency of nursing. This seems like an easy rule, one which I have no qualms about. The only downside is that's it also means that I have to stop whatever I'm doing to go into his room, which is inconvenient for me.

2) The nursing in the car issue is a little tough for me. I think it's unreasonable for him to expect to nurse every time we get in the car (clearly this is just a habit he likes), but I'm a bit hesistant to insist that he not nurse when I pick him up, because I feel like this is an important way that he reconnects with me at the end of the day. So I'm going to put this off for a while (until Rule #1 has been in effect for a bit and we see how he responds).

3) I need to commit to not taking him out of his crib at night and be consistent about it to end the co-sleeping habit. My sense is that this will mean several days of tough nights for me as I help him transition. When he's in his crib crying and has been crying for a very long time (>30 minutes) or very intensely (screaming, yelling "Mama! Mama!", bashing his head against the crib and flailing), I can help him calm down by going into his room and singing to him and then sitting with him. However, he has an amazing ability to sense when I'm trying to leave (ever so quietly) after it appears that he has fallen asleep. One tiny motion from me and he sits bolt upright, and we're back to square one. So I imagine this process will involve a loss of sleep for me. I've been putting it off while I recover from a cold, but it may be time to get underway. In addition to the initial torture of helping him learn to get himself back to sleep again, I have to admit that I will miss having him sleep with me in some ways. As much as I would like to be able to decide when to go to bed by myself (not based on when he wakes up), there is nothing like waking up to see a grinning little boy face grinning at you from 1 inch away!

Suggestions are welcome! It seems hard to strike a balance between the part of Ian that still needs to be babied and the part that is ready for some encouragement to move towards more independence . . .